


Seeing You

by bluebell26



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Blind!Anakin, Eventual Smut, Eventual obikin, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Romance, Slow Burn, smut with feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2020-11-23 22:10:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20896916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluebell26/pseuds/bluebell26
Summary: After his breakup with his secret wife, Anakin’s not going through the best of times. In the midst of this emotional turmoil, he is sent alongside his Master to take part in an ordinary mission. What initially seems like a harmless mission will result in an unexpected outcome that will drastically change his life— and will make him look at things differently.





	1. Prologue

“Nice work, Anakin.”

“Yeah, whatever. Let’s get this done with so that we can return to Coruscant as soon as possible.”

“Someone’s in a bit of a mood today.”

But of course he was in a bit of a mood. His relationship with his wife—_with his secret wife!_— was over. Of course he had a right to be grumpy. Obi-Wan would be as well, if their roles were reversed. He had to repress a snort at the ridiculous idea of Obi-Wan willingly involved in a romantic relationship with anyone.

It’s not that Padmé’s decision had taken him aback. Not completely. The state of their relationship had been strained for quite some time now. That is why when Padmé told him it should be better to part ways he simply nodded. His reaction surprised Padmé as well, he sensed it. He was also surprised with himself. But, truth is, something told him that this was not how love should be. He sometimes felt too possessive of her, too mistrustful. And some part of him always felt as if she didn’t understand him.

Still, he’d loved her, and she’d loved him as well. So, yes, _Obi-Wan_, _I have a right to be grumpy, thank you very much._

It was just another mission, nothing more than that. Or so they’d thought. Everything was going according to the plan, and they’d been involved in far more dangerous missions than this one. So they had nothing to worry about. Soon it would all be over.

Strange how something as dull as a droid pointing a blaster towards you could instantly become the turning point in your life.

Something was wrong. The gun must have presented some defect, since it didn’t shoot. An obnoxious beam of light came out of it. Anakin closed his eyes, but it was already too late.

He heard a shot followed by Obi-Wan’s amused tone. “Well, my former apprentice, I saved you yet again. You owe me one meal at Dex’s.”

Obi-Wan waited for the sarcastic comeback, something along the lines of _“You owe _me_ far more meals, old man.” _But it never came. His former Padawan stayed silent, confused, with an unfocused look on his face.

“Anakin? Is everything alright?”

“I...I can’t see you.” Silence stretched between them. Anakin wished he could see Obi-Wan’s reaction to his statement. The all consuming nothingness felt terrifying. “I can’t see anything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not completely sure where I'm going with this one lol I just have a general idea. Also, I plan this to be a short fic. These days I don't have much time for writing (sadly) so I can't promise regular updates. Thanks for reading <3 And please let me know if you'd be interested in reading more :)


	2. Chapter 2

“Permanent? What do you mean by _permanent_?”

“I’m sorry, young Skywalker, but I’m afraid that—”

“Sorry my ass! Didn’t you just kriffing say that there might be a way to treat it? Damn you, doctors, and damn your incapability of being coherent!”

“Anakin!” Obi-Wan reproached him. His friend reluctantly shut up, although he seemed on the verge of initiating another rant at any moment. “Please, excuse him, it’s the nerves speaking. It’s... a lot to take in.” Anakin huffed ironically, but this time Obi-Wan didn’t have it in him to reprimand him.

“I understand” she said. “And I’m truly sorry I can’t offer you a more hopeful answer. The treatment with stem cells that I talked to you about earlier is currently in an experimental phase. We need to do more tests before we can try it out, and even then there’s no guarantee it will work out.”

“It _will _work out” Anakin said resolutely.

The doctor exchanged a sympathetic look with Obi-Wan, a look so charged with pity that he was sure Anakin would have loathed it, were he capable of seeing it.

“Alright, let’s go.” Anakin, sounding inexplicably cheerful, propelled himself from where he was lying in the stretcher. “Come on, Master. We have a meeting with the Jedi Council, remember? We’ll be late because of you.”

Obi-Wan sent him an unimpressed look, realising just afterwards that it would go unnoticed. He experienced a sharp pang of some unpleasant emotion. “It would be the only time we’re late because of _me_” he said instead. “Wait, what are you doing?” _Stubborn, stubborn man. _“Allow me to help you.”

“Nonsense, I don’t need any—Ouch!” He’d gone head first into the wall. “... okay, some help might be appreciated” he grudgingly admitted, slightly startled by Obi-Wan’s sudden presence at his side, gently grasping his left arm.

* * *

_They are taking too long. Just what the kriff are they talking about?_ Here, at Obi-Wan’s apartment in the Jedi Temple, while his former Master and present Padawan were discussing the-Force-knows-what things with the Jedi Council, he felt kind of left out. And the inescapable blackness all around him certainly didn’t help.

After discussing Anakin’s uselessness as a Jedi now that he was blind—sure, they had used different words, but Anakin recognised an euphemism when he saw one— they’d _kindly _requested for him to go lie down a bit (euphemism for ‘get the fuck outta here, we have things to discuss that we’d better not discuss in front of you’), and so here he was, _patiently_ waiting for Obi-Wan and Ahsoka’s arrival.

When he heard their voices as they passed through the corridor, he realised how much he’d missed the noise, how much he’d missed _anything_ that wasn’t this suffocating silence.

“Well?” He waited for them to speak once they reached the living room. “Have they assigned Ahsoka a new Master yet?”

“How do you...?”

“I’m just that clever, Snips. And who’s the unlucky new Master?”

“Hey!”

“Me.” That was Obi-Wan speaking.

“I knew it! Well, Ahsoka, I take it back. It seems you got the short end of the stick.”

“Charming as ever.” Obi-Wan sounded amused, though.

“Master...” Ahsoka started.

“Don’t call me that. I’m not your Master anymore.” He softened his tone at realising how harsh he’d sounded. “It’ll be nice, though. Now I’ll finally have someone around who understands what I had to go through with that old man over there.”

He heard Ahsoka’s chuckle, followed by Obi-Wan’s sigh and a familiar comment. “The things I have to put up with.”

“Anyways, Skyguy, I have to say I’m a bit... confused.”

“How so?”

She cleared her throat. “Well, you’re just taking this... not seeing thing much better than I expected.”

“Well, it’s not as if I can do anything about it. Besides, it’s only temporary.”

“But, Anakin, the doctor said—”

“I don’t care what she said. It’s only temporary, end of the story.” Silence. “You know, I don’t need my sight to be able to tell the patronizing look you just exchanged. Whatever.” He stifled a yawn. “I’m tired, long day and all that. I’m going to lie down for a while.”

They said goodbye to Ahsoka, Obi-Wan’s new Padawan — _Force, it seems unreal_—, and now the two of them were alone for the first time in the day. Obi-Wan was suddenly at his side then, and, again, Anakin was startled.

“Damn it, Obi-Wan, you have to stop doing that. You’re going to give me a heart attack one of these days. Also, I’m blind, not stupid. I’m perfectly able to find my own room. Have you forgotten we lived together here for many years?”

“Oh, I remember very well. I’m not ‘stupid’ either.” Anakin snorted. “I’m just making sure you don’t stumble upon another wall.”

Anakin let himself be guided, trying but failing to come up with another teasing remark. He wasn’t up for talking anymore— truth is, he really was tired.

“Alright, you can go now. I’m sure you have Jedi duties to attend.” _Jedi duties I should be attending as well._ His acidic tone didn’t escape Obi-Wan, apparently.

“Do not speak as if you weren’t a Jedi any longer. The Jedi Council values you just as much as they did before. The fact that you can’t go on missions any longer doesn’t imply that you aren’t—”

“Yeah, I’m so useful that I need someone to accompany me to my room so that I don’t lose my way.”

“Anakin—”

“It’s fine, really! I understand. It’s a bad thing this happened to me, but as I said before, there’s nothing we can do about it now. And like I said before, it’s only temporary.”

“...alright. I’ll leave you to rest now. Do you need anything else before I go? Shall I fetch something for you—”

“_Stop it_.”

“Stop what?”

“Stop mothering me, patronizing me. _Pitying_ me. I’m okay.”

He heard steps coming closer. It was unnerving, only being able to rely on his sense of hearing to guess what was going on around him.

“I’m just saying, that it’s _okay_ if you’re not.” A hand settled on his shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“I’m _fine_” he stubbornly repeated, before Obi-Wan said goodbye and he was left all alone.

He sat on the bed with his back comfortingly rested against the pillow and closed his eyes, even if it didn’t make much of a difference. It was only now, in the midst of this unbearable solitude, that he allowed himself to cry; and now that he wasn’t holding anything back, the tears didn’t stop. They fell and fell one after the other, taking him by surprise, on their own volition, as helpless as their owner himself was feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaah poor Anakin. He's trying so hard to be strong :(


	3. Chapter 3

He was distractingly reading a scientific article on his datapad, a cup of tea in his right hand, when a loud noise coming from the bathroom startled him. After hesitating for a few seconds, he rose from the sofa and came near the door.

“Anakin?” He knocked twice. “Is everything alright?”

“Yes, everything’s fine!” came the muted reply.

“...are you sure?” he asked uncertain. Then he heard the same noise again, and this adding to the fact that his question went unanswered, he forsook civility and, against his better judgement, opened the door.

“Anakin...” He shook his head in exasperation. “Why didn’t you just ask for my help?” His stubborn friend must have slipped—twice— in his efforts of coming out of the shower on his own.

Anakin reacted to his voice, and scowled. “What the hell, Obi-Wan? Can’t you give me some fucking privacy? One can’t even have a shower alone these days, geez.”

“You’re _on the floor_!”

“So I slipped once or twice, so what! I can manage on my own. Just leave!” He stood up, only to slip again.

“Now it’s not the time to act stubborn.” A light blush had taken residence in Anakin’s face. Obi-Wan supposed this situation must have felt humiliating to his proud friend, so he softened his tone. “Please, let me help you.” He received a reluctant nod for an answer, which was more than enough. “Before I entered, were you already finished or do you want me to help you—”

“For Force’s sakes, no!” he exclaimed annoyed and flustered. “I’m perfectly capable of having a shower without any help, I’m not that useless. I had finished, yes, I just... I just need help getting out of here.”

“Of course. Here, have this.” Before he lent him a hand, he gave him a towel so that Anakin could wrap it around his hips to cover his private parts. Hopefully that would make this whole situation a bit less awkward for the young man.

“Now, it wasn’t so difficult to accept my help, was it?” he jokily reprimanded him when they reached Anakin’s bedroom. His former Padawan sat on the bed without answering him. “I’ll look for your clothes in the wardrobe. You don’t happen to like black by any chance, do you?” he teased him. “There you go.” Anakin took the clothes in silence. “I’ll give you some privacy now” he said after concluding that Anakin was able to dress on his own and that, were he to offer him help getting dressed, his friend would only scowl at being treated like a child.

Anakin broke the silence. “Why are you doing this?”

“Doing... what?”

Anakin sighed. _I have to spell everything out for you, don’t I?_

“This whole thing of... taking care of me, mothering me! It was your idea that I stay with you in this apartment. You’re not obligated to do it. You know that, right?”

“Of course I know that. I’m just helping out my friend” he said as if it was that simple. Maybe it was.

Anakin swallowed the lump in his throat. He nodded, and listened to Obi-Wan’s steps as his former Master exited the bedroom.

“Thank you” he mumbled to himself, thinking that Obi-Wan had already left the room when he received no immediate reply.

He was wrong.

“You’re very welcome” Anakin heard him say before the door closed.

* * *

He was angry. Scratch that, he was furious. _Just what the actual hell was he thinking?_ How many times in his life had Obi-Wan lectured him on attachments? And now, the only time Anakin wouldn’t have minded it, he had to go and do something like that.

He had to go and invite Padmé to their shared apartment, probably thinking that it would do him good in a moment like this to spend some time with a good friend, and most likely thinking that he was doing Anakin a favour, that he was being _such_ a good friend by inviting her in spite of Anakin’s former infatuation with her that clearly was a risk as far as attachment was concerned. Unaware that Anakin had already acted on those feelings, that he had been _married_ to her, and that they had parted ways not so long ago.

_Damn you, Obi-Wan, and damn your constant meddling in the things that aren’t your business._

“Ani” she said when they were left alone. Anakin swallowed. “I-I don’t know what to say. This is so unfair to you...”

Anakin felt guilty all of a sudden for his previous thoughts. It’s not that he didn’t want Padmé around, or that he didn’t like her anymore. She would forever be an essential person in his life. But things were still awkward between them, and he didn’t feel comfortable with her seeing him so... so vulnerable. So _weak_.

“Yeah, you tell me.”

“I would ask you how you’re feeling, but we both know how much you hate pleasantries.”A small chuckle escaped Anakin’s lips. Padmé smiled. “And we both know you would tell me you’re just fine.”

“You know me very well.”

“Of course I do.” She sighed. “I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through. And whatever I say to you is going to sound so hollow, but... this is not the time to act strong, Anakin. If you keep doing this, one of these days you are going to break, and then it’s going to be so much worse. Allow yourself to show some vulnerability for once in your life, Anakin. You need to accept the help from those who care about you.”

Anakin huffed. “Like Obi-Wan, right? Has he told you anything?”

“He worries." _Yeah, right. He just likes to have me under control. _He didn't say that aloud; Padmé would have only disagreed. Some part of himself disagree as well, to be honest. Maybe it was just his annoyment speaking. Whatever. _Palpatine would understand. "_And I worry, too. Anakin, I... no matter what happened between us, I hope you know that I will always be your friend.”

“I know” Anakin said after a few seconds. It was nice, he thought, being able to speak with her without the tension that had been a constant in their conversations during the last stages of their marriage. And not for the first the time he thought that they had done the right thing deciding to put an end to their marriage. It was better this way. “Me too, Padmé. Me too.”

* * *

“Would you like a cup of tea?”

“No.” Anakin thought about his conversation with Padmé. “No, thanks.”

He supposed he should consider himself lucky. At least he was a Jedi. If he didn’t have access to the Force... he didn’t even want to think about it. His new condition would be all kinds of terrifying. Now at least he could feel some things even if he couldn’t see them. For instance, right now it was kind of comforting being able to feel Obi-Wan through their bond. He couldn’t see him making tea, but feeling him near was familiar and it felt calming (even if he was still annoyed by his meddling antics).

The lightsaber in his hands made him think about their last mission. And how weird it was that all he could think about was how much he wished that the last thing he saw wasn’t a kriffing droid pointing a blaster at him. It seemed like such a ridiculous thing to ponder about, and yet he couldn’t get it out of his head. And it was even sillier that his eyes had started getting moist at the thought.

“I’m not okay.” He couldn’t recognise his own voice. He hid his face in his hands, not wanting to be seen like this. “I’m not okay, Obi-Wan.”

Obi-Wan, who was sitting next to him on the sofa, almost dropped his cup of tea in surprise.

_Finally._

“Of course you’re not, my friend” he softly said, putting one arm over his shoulders. Anakin went rigid for a second, but then relaxed into his half-embrace. “Of course you’re not.” He wished he could say something to comfort him, he wished to say ‘but I promise you’ll be okay, one day’, but he never did like to make promises about things he couldn’t know for certain.

“But you won’t be alone in this.” That much he could promise.


	4. Chapter 4

When Obi-Wan and Ahsoka went on missions together, Anakin felt envious. And it was funny, in a way. After all, who would have thought he would miss the war? The constant dangers, the risks of getting captured, the thrill of the battlefield, the adrenaline rush he got whenever he had to think of a way of landing a ship without crashing...

_Kriff, I miss it too damn much._

Several tests had been done to him, and the optimism of the doctors remained the same since day one— none. Anakin was slowly adjusting to his condition, or trying to. He’d made use of modern technologic devices to be able to go to places on his own, although he still needed help from those around him to perform the easiest of tasks.

“So, how did your last mission go?” Anakin tried to hide the bitterness in his voice.

“Ah, you know, the usual.”

“The usual?” Obi-Wan chimed in. “I’m not so sure about that, Ahsoka. We landed in one piece, after all.” Anakin snorted. “I wonder why that may be.”

“Ooh, right.” Ahsoka seemed to have decided to join in the fun. “Surely it’s not because Skyguy wasn’t the one doing the piloting.”

“Certainly not” Obi-Wan said sounding sarcastic. _Which he always does_.

“Alright, if you two are done tormenting this poor disabled ex-Jedi person...”

“Anakin...” Obi-Wan started.

“Don’t say those things, Skyguy!”

Anakin ignored them. “If you two are done” Anakin continued jestingly, “I’d like to go to Dex’s right kriffing now. I’m starving.”

“Is there a time when you’re not?” Ahsoka teased him.

“Very funny.”

“I have to go to the Archives first. I’ll join you two as soon as I can!” she said before leaving.

“Whatever. Where’s my...” Anakin fumbled to find his cloak— it was very cold today— among all the mess in the couch.

“Here.” Obi-Wan was still waiting for him, apparently. Instead of handing him the cloak, Anakin felt him draping it around his shoulders.

“Oh, come on!”

“What’s the matter?” Obi-Wan said as he smoothed the fabric, much to Anakin’s embarrassment. _I’m not that useless, damn it! _“You didn’t mind it when you were a child.”

“Exactly. When I was a _child_. I’m a grown man now, in case you haven’t noticed. I’m taller than you!”

Obi-Wan’s chuckle didn’t annoy him as much as it should have. “Oh, I have noticed. Then that would make you an overgrown child. You shouldn’t forget that maturity doesn’t depend on your height as much as it does on the size of your brain, my friend.”

Anakin rolled his eyes, now occupied trying to find his lightsaber. It’s not as if he could use it to defend himself—he might accidentally end up hurting himself under the present circumstances— but he liked to keep it with him at all times. It made him feel whole. It made him feel like a Jedi, now that he needed a reminder more than ever.

“I have missed this.”

“What, getting the chance of making fun of me during your missions? Where the hell is my—” Obi-Wan had placed his lightsaber in his right hand. “Thanks.”

Obi-Wan chose not to comment on the ironic fact that, now that he couldn’t use it, Anakin was far more mindful of keeping his lightsaber with him than before.

“When are you going to stop this, Anakin?” he asked without letting go of his hand. Seeing Anakin’s confused face, he elaborated. “This facade. You told me yourself you weren’t okay. Why do you keep doing this? There’s no need to pretend. Certainly not in front of me, or Ahsoka.”

“I’m not pretending” Anakin answered sincerely. “It’s just... easier for me to cope if I act this way, you know? Keep fighting when problems arrive. That’s the way I am.”

“That’s the way you are” Obi-Wan agreed, lightly squeezing his hand before finally letting go of it. Anakin placed the lightsaber in his belt with a frown, and chose not to comment on the fact that, since he lost his sight, Master-Always-Distant-And-Aloof Obi-Wan Kenobi was less aloof than ever.

He couldn’t say he didn’t appreciate the change.

After their meal in Dex’s, Anakin accompanied Ahsoka and Obi-Wan to the training grounds. He insisted that he didn’t mind them sparring— again, he was a bit envious, but not as much as when he was left behind when they parted on missions— and that it was calming for him to hear the sound of lightsabers clashing. It was true. And, he was grateful he couldn’t see the odd look they must have exchanged when he said that.

When they decided it was time to return to the temple, he told them he’d stay alone for a while. He ignited his lightsaber and tried to picture it in his mind as he listened to the sound of it. The young man couldn’t see, but it was nightfall already, and the artificial blue light of the weapon illuminated his face, offering a sombre yet enticing contrast. A silent tear rolled down his cheek, unaware that Obi-Wan’s saddened stare was fixed on him.

Anakin was suddenly alert. “Who’s there?”

Obi-Wan hadn’t been as silent as he thought, apparently. He sighed tiredly. “It’s me.”

“Kriff, Obi-Wan!” He quickly brushed away his tears, although something told him this fact hadn’t escaped his too perceptive former Master. “You’re still here? I swear to you, you’re worse than a babysitter these days.”

“I’m sorry” he said as he approached him, placing one hand on his shoulder. Anakin had the feeling he wasn’t just referring to their present predicament.

_There’s no need to pretend._ Anakin sighed, defeated. “I miss being able to fight with my lightsaber. I miss... being a Jedi.”

“Now, you will stop with this nonsense at once.” Surprised and unexpectedly amused by Obi-Wan’s bluntness, Anakin’s tears died in his eyes. “Blind or not blind, lightsaber or no lightsaber, you _are_ a Jedi. I made sure of that many years ago, mind you. Don’t overlook my efforts training you, that’s highly unappreciative of you.”

Anakin’s laughter surprised its own owner. “Don’t ever change, Obi-Wan.”

* * *

“It’s so good to see you, Anakin! Oh, well, I didn’t mean—”

“It’s okay” Anakin assured Palpatine offhandedly. If he took offense whenever an unintended pun related to his condition popped up in a conversation, he’d have to get angry all the time, which— contrary to what a certain copper-haired Master Jedi seemed to think— he didn’t enjoy.

“I’m going to speak quite frankly to you, my friend” he said when Anakin talked to him about what the doctors had told him regarding the possibility of not recovering his sight ever again. “I assure you I mean no disrespect. I have no doubt that the Jedi are giving you all the help they can.”

“But...?”

“But, you remaining blind forever shouldn’t even be a possibility! Those doctors are too quick to give up, in my opinion. And how could the Jedi accept this hypothetical situation so quickly? How is the Chosen One going to fulfil his destiny like this?” Anakin was sure Palpatine meant well, but his comments were discouraging him rather than giving him fortitude. “No, that won’t do... you are destined for great things!”

Anakin had already thought about that, of course. Repeatedly. It irked him that the Jedi were so quick to accept the possibility of his being blind forever. It was almost as if they were glad... as if a heavy burden had been lifted off his shoulders.

_As if they didn’t trust me_, he thought grimly.

“Well, Anakin. You don’t have to worry. Since those doctors are not able to find a solution, I’ll look for someone more competent.”

Anakin felt compelled to defend them. “Oh, I’m sure they know what they’re doing, Chancellor. It’s just... they need to run a lot of tests before they can begin to try the innovative treatment on me. They just need more time. But I have no doubts they’re doing their best.”

“...alright. If you say so. Just keep me informed, alright? And if they don’t find a solution in time, I’ll do everything in my power to help you.”

Anakin smiled gratefully. “Thank you” he said touched by the concern of his friend.

“You don’t have to thank me, my boy. I only want what’s best for you.”


	5. Chapter 5

Obi-Wan never believed there would come a day when he’d hear his former Padawan say those words.

“Meditate with me.” And he gladly complied.

Maybe it was because of his blindness, or perhaps it was simply that Anakin had finally learned to focus— he _sincerely_ doubted it— but whatever the reason, Obi-Wan was not complaining. At all.

“Take my hands” he said as they sat on the carpet.

Anakin could feel himself connected to the Force, much more so than before. He supposed that just as other senses could improve when one is deprived of another, such as his sight, so had his connection to the Force been sharpened. And, paradoxically, now he felt more at peace than ever when he was meditating— not that he was going to tell Obi-Wan (the praise might go to his head).

Speaking of Obi-Wan, his former Master was just... different. _Weird._ It wasn’t only his constant worrying about him, his unnerving babysitting antics towards himself. No, those he could understand, even if they hurt his ego.

“It’s been a few days since you last saw Senator Amidala.”

“Hmm” Anakin answered non-commitally.

“Would you like me to accompany you to her apartment?”

It was comments like these he couldn’t make sense of. “...why?”

“Well, I’m sure you’d appreciate being in the presence of another friend.”

“Why would I need you to accompany me? I can go there on my own, you know.”

“Have you?”

_What the actual hell? _

“No. What’s it to you?”

“Nothing, it just... baffles me, I guess.”

“_What_ baffles you?”

“Nothing. I only mean that... if you ever want to talk about anything, and I mean it Anakin, _anything_...”

“Whoa, whoa. Hold on. Are you implying what I think you’re implying?”

“What do you think I’m implyin—”

_Kriff, this is ridiculous! _

“Cut it down, Obi-Wan! There’s nothing between us!”

“I’m just saying, that if there _was_ something, you could confide in—”

“We split up! We were married but it’s over now! There, are you happy now? So stop with your fucking riddles and insinuations already, damn it!”

And then, silence. Not being able to see his reaction made the situation ten times more awkward. _The hell did I just do? Why couldn't I just be mute instead of blind?!_

“Oh. That is unexpected.” In another circumstances, Anakin would have laughed. “I mean, I sensed there was some distance between the two of you, but I didn’t think you’d put an end to your relationship...”

“Yeah, well... wait, _what_?” His own shocked face must have been a sight to behold. “Do you mean you _knew_?!”

“Of course I knew!” Obi-Wan sounded offended. “Did you really believe you were so subtle, or perhaps you thought I was blind? Oh. I’m sorry, Anakin, I didn’t mean...”

“No offense taken” Anakin reassured him dumbly. _This conversation is getting more and more surreal by the second_.

“Of course, I didn’t believe you had gone so far as to get _married_.” His reproachful tone made Anakin blush. “But now that I think about it, it doesn’t surprise me that much.”

“So you knew... all this time, you knew. And you didn’t say anything.” It sounded like a question rather than a statement.

“Of course I didn’t.”

“But why?”

“You’re my friend” he simply said. “And she made you happy. It’s not as if I approved, and I certainly never encouraged you— hence my constant lectures on attachment— but I couldn’t in good conscience take that away from you.”

“I, uh... I don’t know what to say. So, what, you decided to turn a blind eye on us? Ugh. No pun intended.” Anakin couldn’t hep laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation, and he was pleasantly surprised to hear Obi-Wan’s hesitant chuckle as well. “Kriff, Obi-Wan, this must be the weirdest conversation we’ve ever had...”

“You tell me.”

“Wait, there’s something I don’t understand. You just said you acted as if you didn’t suspect anything, but that you would have never encouraged me or something like that.”

“That’s right.”

“And yet, one of those first few terrible days after I had been told I might never recover my sight, you invited her home so that I could be with her.”

“Yes, I remember.”

“Why?” he asked frustrated, not quite sure as to why it was so important for him to understand.

A sigh, then the warmth of a hand softly squeezing his shoulder. “Because you’re my friend” he answered matter-of-factly.

“Is that going to be your answer to all of my questions?” Anakin asked somewhat frustrated.

“That depends on what you ask.” Obi-Wan sounded amused. “But enough questions for today. Let’s have some tea.”

“Yeah, good idea” Anakin agreed for once with a long sigh. _I’ve asked enough questions for a lifetime._

*****

Sometimes he could see visual images in his dreams. This meant that, of course, dreaming was usually very pleasant for him these days—except when it was not. Not even now he could escape from his nightmares.

And it was just that, a nightmare. He could distinguish it from his prophetic dreams. But what he just saw in his dream left him frantic.

And so here he was now, in the middle of the night, in front of Obi-Wan’s bedroom. When the door opened and he could hear Obi-Wan’s worried ‘_are you alright?’, _he felt immensely stupid. He couldn’t just say he’d had a nightmare about his and Ahsoka’s next mission, in which both of his friends died. He couldn’t just say that —even though he knew it was only a dream —he’d felt an overwhelming need to check if his former Master was alright. It sounded ridiculous, paranoid, and pathetic.

“Oh, I just... I’m sorry. I thought this was the bathroom.”

“Anakin.”

“Hmm?”

“Don’t offend my intellect.” Anakin couldn’t repress a snort. “The truth, please.”

“I-” He gave a long sigh. “I just had a nightmare, okay? You and Ahsoka were killed during your next mission.”

“Anakin...”

“I just feel so fucking useless! I should be able to leave with you two tomorrow, and instead I’m stuck in here! I’m just a waste of space these days—”

“Don’t say such things.” Anakin went rigid, needing a few seconds to understand that it was the arms of his detached friend which were holding him in a tight embrace. After a moment of confusion, he hugged him back.

“Take care of Snips, okay?” he asked in a low murmur.

“Rest assured, I will.”

“And...” he hesitated, “take care of yourself. Don’t forget I won’t be there to save your ass this time” he hastily added to play down his concern.

He was sure Obi-Wan was rolling his eyes. “Just as I won’t forget you won’t be there to crash the ship” he teased him back, but he kept his arms wrapped around him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone reading this story, your comments mean the world to me <3 <3 <3

“So how was your day, Ani?”

“Hmm” he answered indifferently. “Been better, been worse. Same as always.”

_I’d rather be fighting in the war_, he didn’t say. But he supposed he’d had far worse days than this one.

“But you’ve been better since you began giving classes to the young initiates, haven’t you?” Padmé asked.

“Yeah, well... let’s just say that I don’t feel that useless anymore.” Even if he couldn’t see, even if he couldn’t teach them lightsaber moves anymore, he could still share his knowledge of the Force with them. _But I still feel useless._

“But you still feel useless” she said reprovingly. Anakin suppressed a snort— there was no denying his ex-wife knew him well.

During the times his former Master and his former apprentice went on missions together— which was more often than not— Anakin used to spend some of his free time with Padmé, and he was happy to say they had been able to become good friends.

“How are Ahsoka and Obi-Wan doing? It’s been a while since I last saw them.”

_Good question._ “I’ve no idea. They don’t tell me much about their missions.” He tried to hide it, but the undercurrent of resentment was evidently there.

“You miss it, don’t you?” Padmé asked knowingly. “The war.”

“Please, Padmé. What kind of person would that make me?”

“Anakin Skywalker.”

They laughed. “Indeed” he said wistfully after a long sigh. _Indeed._

* * *

It was in the midst of one of these lessons that Obi-Wan found him after his return from their mission. He silently watched his friend, not wanting to announce his presence so as not to interrupt the class. But one of the students spotted him and soon the room was filled with excited voices saying _“Master Kenobi!” _

Anakin got startled at that, then greeted him cordially if a bit distant— he still had a class to give, after all, Obi-Wan thought to himself— and then proceeded to continue with his explanations.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to interrupt the class” Obi-Wan said when it was over.

“It’s okay.”

“So, I see you’ve found a new way of making yourself useful to the Jedi!” he told him proudly.

“If we can call this being useful...”

Obi-Wan suppressed the urge to contradict him. Something told him that Anakin was in the mood for being stubborn that morning.

“Oh, do you want me to help you?” he said as they exited the room.

“There’s no need. I already know my way around this part of the temple.”

“I’m glad to see you’re doing better. It’s astounding how quickly you’re adapting to your new condition.”

“I wouldn’t say quickly. It’s been almost a month since you last saw me.”

“Well, I suppose you’re right.” He chuckled. “You know time flies in this kind of missions.”

“I can hardly remember” Anakin replied curtly.

“I-I didn’t mean—”

“I have to go, Padmé and I had talked about having lunch together today and I’m ten minutes late already.”

“Okay.” Obi-Wan was puzzled. He had the feeling he had done something to annoy Anakin, but he just couldn’t figure out what.

“By the way, are you alright? Any injuries from your mission?” Obi-Wan looked up in surprise. An enquiry about his well-being was about the last thing he’d been expecting. Nevertheless, Anakin looked as indifferent as he had sounded.

“I’m fine, but—”

“Good” he interrupted him before leaving without even saying goodbye.

_Sweet Force, what is it with him now?_

He tried to be kind to him, nice, supportive—without being over-bearing— all day long. But it was no use. His former Padawan continued to give him the cold shoulder for reasons unknown to him.

They were in the kitchen now, and what would have been a comfortable and homely silence any other day, today was just plain awkwardness.

“Would you like me to make some tea?”

“Do whatever you want. I don’t care.”

He would just have to try again.

“Do you want to hear the details on our last mission?”

“Oh. So _now_ you do want to keep me informed.”

_Now, we’re getting closer to the heart of the matter._

“What do you mean? We kept you well informed at all moments.”

“Ahsoka kept me informed, though not so well. You on the other hand, I don’t remember having talked with _you_ more than a couple of times this last month.”

“Well, I knew Ahsoka had told you, so there was no need to—”

“Sure, there was no need _at all. _For instance, when you got captured by the separatists and you didn’t bother to tell me when you had managed to escape, even after you had seen _all the kriffing times_ I had tried to make contact with you...!”

“But I knew the Council would inform you, so why—“

“Damn it, Obi-Wan!” He angrily rose from his chair. “You just don’t get it, do you? I wanted to hear it from _you_, I wanted you to tell _me_ you were alright! Is that too much to ask?” He laughed mirthlessly. “It’s too bad I have to stay on the sidelines because of my fucking blindness! Can’t you at least share with me some of the most important details when you’re away? It’s not too much to ask, damn it! Just try to put yourself in my position for one second. How would you have felt? One message, just one kriffing message, Obi-Wan. That was all I needed!” He sat down on the floor and crossed his arms, and Obi-Wan was instantly reminded of the countless times little Anakin had had a tantrum and then proceeded to spend the next few hours sulking. _Old habits die hard_, he thought equal parts amused and wistful.

Except, there was little left of that child in front of him. Anakin was a full-grown man now. He’d been for several years now. Of course Obi-Wan already knew that, but somehow he had never seen it as clearly as he did in that moment. He was a full-grown man, a man with every right to reproach him for his mistakes. And this was not an unjustified tantrum.

He sat on the kitchen floor next to him, his back against the cabinets.

“I wouldn’t have liked it” he admitted without taking his eyes off his profile. The young man was still frowning, but Obi-Wan’s words had evidently taken him by surprise. He looked more confused than angry now.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Had our roles been reversed...I would have been angry as well.” He would have hated not being able to help in the battlefield, even more so if his former apprentice had been captured and he’d received no updates on his situation. He looked at Anakin’s hand on the floor tile, and instinctively extended his own hand to hold it. “I’m sorry. Next time I'll keep you informed.”

“You better” he replied tersely. But after a few long seconds he gave a light squeeze to his hand, and didn’t withdraw it afterwards. Obi-Wan knew he’d been forgiven.

“And thank you for worrying” Obi-Wan said with a smile, gently caressing his friend’s wrist with his thumb.

“Someone has to give a damn” he simply said shrugging his shoulders, but his voice was soft and kind.


	7. Chapter 7

One would have thought he wouldn’t be able to see images in his dreams anymore, but that was not the case. He could see his mother dying in his arms so clearly, just as clearly as he could see the atrocity that followed afterwards.

He heard loud screaming, and then realised it was him.

Waking up was not an immediate relief. Not as it had been before. Because now that there was only darkness everywhere he looked, the images from his nightmare were stuck in his mind, just as vivid.

He heard a door opening, followed by a worried, and yet soothing voice.

“Another nightmare?”

Anakin managed a nod, but couldn’t find his voice to answer him.

Just as it had happened for the past couple of weeks, he heard the creaking of the mattress next to him. Anakin tried to thank him, but again his voice seemed to have abandoned him.

“It’s alright, Anakin. You’re not alone.”

It had become an unspoken agreement between them. Anakin would wake up screaming, and then Obi-Wan would go to his bedroom and sleep next to him. The first nights Obi-Wan had asked him about his nightmares, but upon receiving no answer he finally gave up.

And so it happened, time and time again, without either of them making any comments about it in the morning. Anakin supposed it should have felt humiliating. He was not a child anymore, and the time for sleeping in the same bed as his Master whenever he had a nightmare or felt afraid should have been long gone.

But feeling humiliated and useless was something normal to him these days, so he just couldn’t bring himself to care.

* * *

“I’m truly sorry, but I’m afraid we’ve made no progress” the doctor informed them. “The tests we’ve been doing with stem cells have not given the results we were hoping for.”

“How would you know?” Anakin blurted out. “You haven’t tried the treatment on _me_!”

“We cannot apply the treatment on humans until we’re completely certain it will work! Look, I’m sorry. You’ll just have to be patient.”

“Patient?” He laughed mockingly. “You and my Master over here would get on really well, doctor. He’s always saying stupid things like that.”

Obi-Wan took no offense, but gave a gentle squeeze to his shoulder instead. He knew his former Padawan well, and so he knew it was just the frustration speaking.

“She’s right, you know” he said when they were left alone.

“So you just want me to give up hope?”

“No” he firmly answered. “Never.”

“Then what should I kriffing do?”

“Focus on the here and now.”

Anakin snorted. “You are so predictable, Obi-Wan.”

* * *

They were meditating together, but Obi-Wan could sense his mind was somewhere else.

“What is it?”

Anakin let out a tired sigh. “Nothing, it’s... it’s just silly.”

“Now I really want to hear it” Obi-Wan said amused.

“It’s been a few months already, and I can’t help but wonder... will I end up forgetting the way things look? The details of things are more and more blurred in my mind whenever I try to remember them.”

“I’m afraid I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault.” He gave him a resigned smile. “But thank you for being honest, and for not telling me some encouraging nonsense crap.”

“You’re welcome. I guess.” Anakin laughed before tentatively reaching out to him, his hands on either side of his face. “W-what are you doing?”

“I wanted to check if you still had your beard.”

“Of course I still have it. I don’t plan to get rid of it any time soon. I dare say it looks very good on me.”

Anakin raised one eyebrow. “You flatter yourself, Master. Besides, a Jedi shouldn’t be vain, in case you’ve forgotten.”

“A Jedi should also practice what they preach, in case _you_’ve forgotten. Anyway, don’t you agree with me about the beard?”

Anakin bit his lip to hold back his laughter.“Couldn’t say. I’ve never given it any thought.”

“Whatever you say, Anakin. We both know you’re just envious.”

“Envious?”

“Yes, because even if you grew a beard, your face would still look like the face of a baby.”

“Wait, no, _you_’re envious because you look like an old man” he answered between chuckles.

_What are we doing?_ Anakin thought as they continued laughing and teasing each other.

If he didn’t know any better, he would think they were... no, there was absolutely no way they were _flirting_, was it? They were _Obi-Wan_ and _Anakin_, brothers in arms, best friends, former Master and apprentice, and they didn’t _flirt_. They were just bantering, as they always did.

...right?

Whatever the reason, he couldn’t stop smiling, and he hadn’t felt so relaxed in _months_.

* * *

“I don’t think this is a good idea.”

“Why not?”

“Someone blind attempting to train with a lightsaber? Sure, Obi-Wan, whatever could go wrong?”

“You’re not going to _train_ with it, you’re just going to try to _feel_ it.”

“You do realise how stupid you just sounded, right?”

Given that Anakin felt more connected to the Force now that he was blind, Obi-Wan had thought that, maybe, given enough time he could learn to become familiar with his favourite weapon without seeing it, just by feeling it _through the Force_. It was ridiculous. That man was ridiculous. The way he was holding his waist while guiding his arm was ridiculous.

_What is this?_

“Try to stay focused, just as you were before when we were meditating.” _You weren’t touching me like this before. _“Move your arm slowly. No, not like that. You’ll hurt yourself.” His hand grabbed Anakin’s wrist as he came closer to him from behind, so much so that Anakin could feel the warmth radiating from his chest. “You’re distracted.”

_And whose fault would that be?!_

“I’m sorry, I’m tired.”

“It’s okay, we’ll continue tomorrow. Don’t worry, you were doing very well.”

It was always nice to be praised by Obi-Wan, but the blush he could feel starting to warm his cheeks just then was anything but.

_What is wrong with me?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha poor Anakin. And, finally, some progress!  
Thank you for reading <3 <3 <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day! haha don't get used to it :P

Anakin had only ever been in love once, and it had been pretty much love at first sight: he idolized Padmé from the moment he first set his eyes upon her. Which meant he had nothing to compare this new thing— whatever _this_ was— with.

This was all kinds of different. He only knew that things he didn’t use to pay attention to before had acquired a whole new dimension. Things such as Obi-Wan’s sarcastic comments, his ridiculous dry humour, his stupid Corucanti accent.

_Could it be that I am beginning to—?_

No, there was another— far more logical—explanation. He was just confusing things. Despite being best friends, Obi-Wan had never been so gentle to him, so attentive, so... _caring_ as he was now. And it was only normal that Anakin— who had always admired him, looked up to him, strived to make the man proud—, now feeling more vulnerable and lonely than ever, had treasured those gestures from his normally aloof best friend. It was simply logical that, not being used to Obi-Wan being this accessible, he had mistaken his own feelings of gratitude and camaraderie for something else.

But... what if that was not the case? His life was anything but logical these days, after all.

_Kriff, what if I’m starting to—?_

“Something in your mind, Skyguy?”

Anakin huffed, shaking his head.

_You’ve no idea, Ahsoka._

* * *

“Hello there!” Anakin jumped. “I’m sorry, did I startle you?”

“Uhm, no. Hi.”

“Why are you walking so fast? You may know your way around the temple by now, but you could stumble upon something if you’re not careful.”

“I’m just in a bit of a hurry. I have a meeting with Padmé in five minutes, which will end up being fifteen because of me.”

“Arriving late to places. Why doesn’t it surprise me?” Anakin just rolled his eyes. Obi-Wan cleared his throat. “It hasn’t escaped my notice you are spending a lot of time with Padmé these days.”

“I don’t know, I guess.”

“You two have mended things, then?”

“Yes.”

“Oh. I see.” An uncomfortable silence followed. “Well, I’m happy for you.”

“What? No, it’s not what you’re thinking! We mended things, as friends.”

“Oh. Good. I mean... it’s good that you’re friends again.”

He sounded so nervous and... relieved? _Am I imagining things?_

That was it. This was his chance to find out.

“Why would you mind, anyways?” he began to say teasingly. “You didn’t happen to be jealous, did you?”

“Jealous?” Now he sounded utterly confused. “Why would I be jealous?

Anakin’s heart sank. There was his answer. “No reason at all.”

His young friend left hurriedly, looking embarrassed and hurt at once. Obi-Wan then understood the implications of their conversation, and of his answer.

“Anakin—wait!” He grabbed him by his wrist, at the same time he looked at their surroundings to make sure they were alone in the corridor. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—”

“What is this, Obi-Wan?” Anakin interrupted him sounding tired. “Am I imagining things? Surely I can’t be the only to feel this— whatever _this_ is— between us.”

“No” Obi-Wan finally admitted, and if Anakin had sounded tired before, Obi-Wan sounded _exhausted_. “You’re not imagining things, Anakin.”

Silence stretched between them.

“But... we can’t.”

“I know” Anakin replied, his heart on his throat. “I don’t care.”

“I do.”

Obi-Wan’s refusal made Anakin forget about his own doubts. He saw it clearly now, he knew what he wanted.

“It doesn’t have to be wrong. Attachment is forbidden, but l- other feelings aren’t.” He caught himself in time before saying it. It was still too soon for that word.

“Because what you had with Padmé wasn’t attachment, right?” he said in irony, and he wished to take back his words as soon as they left his mouth. “That was uncalled for.”

“Oh, no, don’t apologise for saying _exactly _what you think.” And he left.

Obi-Wan sighed.

_You’re going to be the death of me._

* * *

Later in their apartment, Anakin tried to make himself occupied— he even meditated on his own— so as not to think about how awkward his interactions with Obi-Wan would be from now on. _Hopefully in a couple of weeks we’ll have forgotten all about it, and then we’ll be able to laugh it off as another silly anecdote._

He also wanted to distract himself from the hurt he felt whenever he replayed their conversation in his mind.

“Anakin.” _Ah, there we go. _“I’ve been looking for you all day.”

“Let me guess” he said getting up off the floor. “You want to apologise. You regret your last comment about my relationship with Padmé, and you want to make clear that none of this changes the friendship between us. Then you will kindly ask me if we can never speak a word of it ever again, and then you’ll proceed to make some tea.”

He heard Obi-Wan laughing, and then a warm hand gently enclosed his. “I guess I’m really that predictable, huh?”

“You tell me” Anakin said trying to sound exasperated, but the slight amusement in his voice was clear.

It was for the best, he thought. He wasn’t sure himself of what his feelings were, and he might as well have been confusing things due to his vulnerable state. Yes, it was better to leave things this way— _although it’d be nice if Obi-Wan stopped sending me mixed signals, what with his constant fixation with holding my hand at all times! _

Anyways, he really was okay with this turn of events. This was Obi-Wan he was talking about, after all. He smiled to himself thinking about how uncomfortable it would have been to start something of that nature with his best friend and mentor. _The awkwardness would have killed me._

Obi-Wan tugged at his hand lightly. “Well, Anakin” he sounded really close, “I might yet surprise you.”

It took Anakin a few seconds to realise Obi-Wan’s lips were tentatively, hesitantly upon his. After the initial shock, he closed his eyes and kissed him back, forgetting all about his previous reasoning as to why it was better to just let things be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :O  
Hopefully Obi-Wan surprised you all! haha :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! I'm so sorry for the wait (especially after the ending of last chapter!) I haven't had much time for writing as of lately :( But here it is, finally, the next chapter! Hope you enjoy it, and happy holidays to everyone :)

He wasn’t exactly sure how _in the blazes_ his day had ended up like this. And he was completely lost as to how—_how, just how_— his resolve of making amends and leave things just the way they were until now had crumbled into ashes, especially given the fact that he’d been given the chance. Anakin had made it so easy for him, saying— and seemingly, accepting— all those things that Obi-Wan was supposed to do, that he _was_ in fact going to do: make amends, go on as if their conversation that morning had never happened.

Which was why he couldn’t understand what had possessed him into kissing Anakin.

_Oh dear._

He was _kissing_ _Anakin_.

_Stop, this needs to stop, I can’t let this happen._

_Why did I let this happen?_

Oh, but he knew very well why.

Anakin’s resigned face, his tired acceptance of Obi-Wan’s imminent refusal— he didn’t even look disappointed. It was as if he knew what to expect from Obi-Wan. Which was, of course, nothing.

Nothing when it came to emotions, at least— he suspected Anakin sometimes thought his heart was made of steel.

Only, it wasn’t— _I wouldn’t be in this blasted predicament if it was_—, and seeing that resigned smile had managed to make the impossible, possible. Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi had let it all go, giving into those incipient—and most certainly _non-platonic_ feelings— for his best friend.

_But we can’t do this._

He placed his hands on his shoulders, seconds away from ending this.

_This is a dangerous path, this is wrong, this is—_

Anakin’s lips were soft and gentle, Obi-Wan could feel their bond vibrating with happiness, a kind of joy unknown to them ever since his friend lost his sight.

_This is the only good thing that’s happened to us during the last few months._

Obi-Wan’s hands cupped his cheeks, keeping that dear face near, instead of pushing him away.

* * *

One would think that now, since he missed all the fun that came with being a Jedi— well, he didn’t think that _war_ per se was fun, thank you very much, but the thrill of the battlefield was much better than doing nothing— he would also be spared from assisting to Jedi Council meetings… but he was not.

Not only that, but taking into account the fact that he couldn’t take part in practically _any_ of the missions they were discussing, the meetings were even more tedious and just plain unbearable.

Right now, though, it was a good thing he couldn’t see. It did spare him from the embarrassment that would come no doubt when looking at a certain Jedi Master.

* * *

_Barely believing that he wasn’t dreaming—even if the feel of Obi-Wan’s lips was _very much_ real, just as the surprisingly not annoying sensation of the beard scratching his chin— he allowed himself to just focus on the here and now, which was a very easy thing to do in this particular moment. Obi-Wan should have just kissed him much earlier, really— maybe he would have if he’d known that was all it would take to keep Anakin completely focused on something for once. Anakin almost laughed when he pictured the face Obi-Wan would make if he voiced his thoughts. Almost. In all honesty, he didn’t want any distractions, nothing that would take this moment away. He just wanted to remember every single thing about it, in case he woke up and realised that, in fact, it had been a dream._

_Or in case Obi-Wan would never want it to happen again. Which was far more likely. Oh, well._

_No distractions._

_Right. It turned out he was a tad distracted, and the kiss was over before his kriffing mind learned to shut the fuck up._

_And the silence that followed was one of the most uncomfortable moments in his entire existence._

_“So…”_

_“Anakin…”_

_They chuckled._

_“You first.”_

_Uncomfortable didn’t begin to cover it._

_“Well. You did surprise me, I’ll give you that.”_

_“I-I’m glad I did.”_

_Oh, kriff. Obi-Wan was supposed to make this situation less uncomfortable, damn it— isn’t he called the Negotiator, after all?— but instead he sounded as awkward as Anakin himself!_

_Come on, Anakin. You can do this. Say something to break the silence. Something clever and not awkward._

_“It’s pretty late.” Kriff, that was lame, even for his standards. What next, talking about the weather? “Maybe we should go to bed. Oh, no, not like that! I meant, what I meant was—”_

_“I know what you meant.” Anakin couldn’t know for sure, but he thought Obi-Wan sounded—apart from awkward— as if he was… smiling? Really, Obi-Wan? This is funny to you? “And you’re right, it’s very late. We should rest. Well… goodnight, then.” _

_“Right. Yes. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He cringed inwardly. “Well, not see, but… yeah.” Stop talking. “Goodnight.”_

_Anakin let out a deep breath as soon as he closed the door and was at last alone in his bedroom._

_Obi-Wan might have surprised him, but Anakin had been right about one thing._

_The awkwardness _was _going to kill him._

* * *

Yeah, just for this once Anakin was glad he couldn’t see, or else nothing would have prevented him from blushing like a kriffing teenager whenever they made eye contact.

The briefing was over soon enough, though—thank the Force— and Anakin made sure he fell behind when the Jedi started exiting the room. He wasn’t acting like a coward, no… but he just needed a few minutes to get his shit together and act like the mature adult he was supposed to be.

“Anakin?”

Oh.

_Oh._

“Obi-Wan! Uhm, hi. How are you doing?”

Obi-Wan— _thank the Force_— gracefully ignored his stupid question with a question of his own.

“You seemed to be a bit distracted during the briefing.” _You don’t say. _“Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, I just… couldn’t sleep very well last night. Had quite a lot to think about.”

“I understand” Obi-Wan replied gently. “Sleep eluded me as well.”

The silence that followed was not uncomfortable per se this time, but rather loaded with meaning and unspoken words.

“What did you think about the briefing?”

“I don’t know, I barely paid attention. It frustrates me. Listening to plans, strategies… knowing that I won’t be able to take part in any of it.”

“It won’t be like that forever, Anakin.”

The younger of the two snorted bitterly. “You were the one who advised me to be realistic. You know what the doctors say.”

“I told you to be realistic, yes, but I didn’t tell you to abandon all hope!” Obi-Wan sounded offended. “And anyways, with enough training you might be able to see through the Force, and then you’ll be able to take part in missions and—”

“Yeah, I know. You’ve told me already. And you know my opinion on that matter.” Anakin hadn’t made much progress in that area, and he feared that by the time he did it would already be too late to help in the war. He was beginning to consider accepting Palpatine’s offer and taking his chances with other doctors if things continued this way. “By the way, I have an appointment with the doctors today. In fact, I think I’m late already.”

“Why doesn’t it surprise me?”

“Because you’re oh so clever” Anakin replied rolling his eyes.

“Wait, Anakin” he said before his friend left. “How about we have dinner in Dex’s tonight? It’ll do you good to keep your mind off these negative thoughts. And I would also appreciate the company.”

Anakin smiled.

“Sounds like a plan.”

Anakin wasn’t usually the best at reading between the lines, he could admit that much to himself, and yet it was clear as day that _the _Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi wanted to take him on a date.

Which meant, more awkwardness ahead.

And yet, Anakin could admit that much to himself as well, he was very much looking forward to it.

* * *

Obi-Wan had been right; it had done Anakin good. Dinning at Dex’s always did (although he hoped—in a non-pretentious way—that his company had contributed to that as well). His former Padawan had been in a sour mood when they met up, which had progressively diminished as the dinner went on, and was in that moment almost non-existent .

They went out for a walk afterwards. Coruscant at night was beautiful; Obi-Wan felt a pang of sadness thinking that such beauty was lost to his friend. Speaking of which, after a while Anakin had insisted on going to a rooftop on an abandoned skyscraper Obi-Wan knew he used to go to when he needed some time alone. It was looking at the stars from up there, he suspected, which drew him to that place. So then it didn’t make much sense that he wanted to go there now, but Obi-Wan didn’t contradict him.

They were sitting on the floor of the rooftop side by side in comfortable silence when his friend spoke.

“You know, the worst thing about it…” he began. “The worst thing is knowing I used to take all these things for granted, you know?” He laughed self-deprecatingly. “I don’t know how many times I’ve come to this place — I’ve lost count— and I never stopped to think how lucky I was to be able to be looking at it. The sky, the view of the streets, even the most stupid details… I took it all for granted. I would give anything to be able to see it again.”

“I will _never_ take you or our friendship for granted” Obi-Wan said fiercely, surprising both himself and Anakin. He wasn’t sure what exactly, but something in Anakin’s words had touched a nerve string.

Anakin blinked twice, clearly taken aback, and in spite of the darkness Obi-Wan could make out that he was blushing. And the Jedi Master had come to discover that the knowledge that the he could make Anakin _blush_— confident to the core, playful, insolent Anakin— did funny things to his stomach.

“Friendship?” Anakin said with a sheepish smile.

“Or whatever it has evolved into” Obi-Wan replied amused, relishing the chuckle that he got in return.

A hand softly caressing his face took him out of his reverie. “Come here” Anakin whispered. Obi-Wan complied, coming closer and pressing his forehead against his.

Suddenly it all felt so natural, Anakin thought to himself as he caressed his face. There was no awkwardness up here. It was just them, Anakin and Obi-Wan, and it was the way it was supposed to be.

When he lent in, Obi-Wan’s lips were already there to meet his; warm, welcoming, soothing. All those things that Obi-Wan himself was.

And his heart might have melted when, just as he was starting to withdraw after a few precious minutes, Obi-Wan refused to let his lips go and deepened the kiss instead.

“I have to admit” Anakin said still caressing his face, studying his features, trying to make out with his touch what his eyes couldn’t. “I’m still very surprised you seem to be so okay with this.”

“To tell you the truth, I have no idea what I’m doing.” Anakin chuckled. “But I know what I don’t want to do— I don’t want to linger on regret forever. And I’ve searched my feelings in the Force, and, somehow… it doesn’t feel as if we’re doing something wrong.”

Anakin tried to mask how reassured he was— he might have been still fearing that Obi-Wan would decide to put an end to this before it had even started. But Obi-Wan’s words had put his mind at ease.

“So… secret relationship it is, then. Do you have any idea of what you’re getting yourself into?”

“You tell me, you’re the expert.”

“Yeah, well, it turned out you _knew_ about me and Padmé, so I wasn’t exactly good at hiding it.”

“Indeed, subtlety was never your strong point” Obi-Wan teased him. “Let’s just pray that my own is enough for the two of us.”

“Just shut up” Anakin said amused, effectively shutting him up with a kiss, and Obi-Wan had never been happier to be silenced by his former Padawan.

A few months ago, he would have never believed this turn of events even if he saw it with his own eyes. But now he knew this was everything he hadn’t known he'd needed.


End file.
